Lies and retribution.

I've just woken up. Which is unfortunate because I had until 2 'o clock to leave what I needed to at Char's door. Fuck my phone and fuck the battery running out. I had one thing to do and I fucked it up because my phone ran out of batteries and the alarm didn't go off. Thats fan-fucking-tastic.

Last night was eventful. Charlotte rang me and we had a conversation almost as if none of this had ever happened, and we were still very much in love (with only occasional abuse). It was seemingly perfect. We both acknowledged it was weird, and deep down i knew it was but a facade. I miss her as my best friend almost as much as I miss her as my lover. Just having meaningless banter with her makes my heart smile.

Then she came online. Conversation continued for a while and I had a smile on my face because for the first time in a long time we were being civil and it made my heart race! Then of course, the inevitable happened and things took a sinister turn.

It seems Char was also talking to Katie Orrock, the one person who hates me more than any other person in the world. I deserve everything that I have coming to me but I don't think I deserve what she did last night.

I can understand that katie will want to punish me for what I did to her, I deserve that, but she is using Charlotte as a tool to do that and it makes me sick. I sent her an email, it said 'Please katie, leave Char alone and stop making things up to get back at me, its not fair on her shes already been through so much'. I didn't get a reply.

It seems katie is smarter than I once thought, either that or intuitively vindictive. Shes stumbled on the perfect crime, echoing my own.

I told katie so many lies, so many exasperations of the truth that even i don't remember them all, but more often in not they were based around some sort of truth. Things are easier to lie about when they are believable. She's taken it upon herself to make up her own lies now, loosely based around truth. Shes realised that when there is truth within a lie, people believe whatever you tell them, especially when the person being accused is a proven liar and can't dispute the root facts.

I'm trying so hard to be a better man, to be open, honest and mature. I'm trying so fucking hard but I've lied so much in the past that now I really need for what I say to be taken on board, nobody believes me.

I wish I had had a threesome. at least then I'd be awesome.