Clutch, gear, gas, repeat.

I've just got home from my adventure to far away lands. I don't know what I thought I'd do when I got to wherever I ended up, but once I reached Newquay I realised I'd be sleeping in my car.

The traffic wasn't too bad at all it took me a little over 5 hours to get there, would have been shorter but until 3 hours in I didn't really know where i wanted to go. Managed to get the punto to 122mph which was AMAZING. Sounded like the engine was disintegrating though.

It was really pretty, its a shame that it was dark by the time I got there but it was nice to be away somewhere new. Magic fm, a full bag of baccy and the serenity of the seaside was really therapeutic, it was a great idea.

I spent two hours there, but rather than letting my mind escape, the solitude amplified my thoughts, the lack of distraction I guess. I thought about how much I miss her, and how perfect it would be if she was with me right then. I shed a few little tears for her, and imagined where she was and what shes doing. Its starting to get really sad, I daydream and imagine where she is and make whole little stories in my head of what she could be doing. I visualise it and I see her smile, as clear as day. I catch myself doing it really often now, but I like it, its not harming anyone.

I left Newquay and headed for Swindon, Christine had said to me earlier in the day that if I was anywhere near I'd be welcome. I'm trying to sever ties with her because I know char doesn't like that I'm friends with her so I'm annoyed that I went, but I'm glad i had a proper bed to sleep in, and today was nice. I spent hours talking to her about everything, and that was good, she gave some decent advice. Nothing I don't already know but it was still nice. We got off our faces on cheap vodka and asda-brand red bull and I got reaaaaaally emotional about Char again. I feel really embarassed about that now but she understood. Shes made mistakes similar to my own, and lost love too.

It kind of reminded me of the times I used to have with lucy before we fell out, circa AS levels. Shes a good friend, even if i met her off the internet! And she has a hot tub it turns out. Her two cats have nothing on elsie.

Driving again today, and with the radio bust, i was forced to run my head over everything, again and again. I miss her so much. So fucking much. I want her back so badly. Nothing makes sense without her. I need her, I'm so desperate. Please god, help me be the man she deserves.

This was on magic fm.

Hmmm, I would take the stars out of the sky for you
Stop the rain from falling if you ask me to
I'd do anything for you, your wish is my command
I could move a mountain when your hand is in my hand

Hmmm, Words could not express how much you mean to me
There must be some other way to make you see
If it takes my heart and soul you know I'd pay the price
Everything that I possess I'd gladly sacrifice

Oh, you to me are everything
The sweetest song that I can sing, oh baby, oh baby
To you I guess I'm just a clown who picks you up
Each time you're down, oh baby, oh baby
You give me just a taste of love to build my hopes up high
You know you got the power girl to keep me holding on
So now you've got the best of me
Come on and take the rest of me, oh baby

Hmmm, Though you're close to me, we seem so far apart
Maybe given time you'll have a change of heart
If it takes forever girl, then I'm prepared to wait
The day you give your love to me won't be a day too late

Help me. Please. I miss her so much.